A Visit From Krampus

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

Stuffed animals were nestled on either side of my bed;
While smores flavored coffee beverages danced in my head;
Both wearing new PJs from Ma and Pap,
Sissy fell asleep in her Santa Claus cap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tripping o'er our last can of Who-hash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Santa's shadow with claws and a snear
Reddish hair donned his chin, so wiry and thick
I knew in a moment- This can't be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
To his antlered companions I heard him exclaim:

"Then let us go and be terrible. Burn, smite and bother
These subjects of Odin, who deny the Yule father.
And without their belief Mother Earth will wither
As do we, without our Winter Solstice dinner."

Leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
Holding onto naughty children and my neighbor Frank too-

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Krampus came with a bound.

He was covered in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of sticks he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a schoolmaster opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His iron rucksack, how scary!
His long tongue tasted the air for naughty children to ferry.
He cared not what race, wealth or parent's position.
He feasted on sons and daughters of harlots to politicians.

His claw picked a bone from between ghastly teeth.
Smoke, it encircled his horns like a wreath.
With a wink of his eye and 180 degree twist of his head
Krampen gave me to know, I had nothing to dread;

Pulling Thor's chariot with legendary might
I heard him exclaim ere they drove out of sight-
"Yuletide is here; make no mistake,
Krampus is coming, not to give, but to take."